Here we go again....
I really wish that I did not get passionately involved in issues that really are meaningless. Call it bitterness, call it arrogance, hell call it a need for attention even if you want. I can't explain. I just know that sometimes people, events or even words just rub me the wrong way and before you know it I'm all up in the face of causality getting angrier by the minute. And so here I go again, sticking my nose into business that's not mine.

Once again, quotes for reference:

"I finally came to terms with something about myself this morning...I will always be the martyr. I used to hate this about myself. I used to hate the fact that I would stick my neck out for others, and never get it in return. But now I have finally resolved myself to the fact that that is just me......And while I never hoped to become as extreme with this as my mom, I will no longer hide from who it is I am. Jon used to refer to it as something like "Martyr Syndrome". Always finding that other people were more important than myself, yet in the same sentence, he also found it incredibly easy to call me selfish. Here's the thing. I have been hurt alot in my life. I never want to see someone else have to go through what I have endured."

You don't give a shit about people. You never have. You've admitted this. I feel sorry for the people in your life whom you were successful in fooling to believe that you are some kind of saint. You're not a saint. You're not a martyr. You're not even a friend. You're a good actress. Nothing more. Between Andis and I, it has become clear now that outsiders read our blogs. With this in mind, I only hope that someone will realize that an upstanding, intelligent and mature individual such as myself would not waste time in voicing opinions simply out of malice or childishness. Clearly I must have a justifiable (in some personal respect) reason to explain why you get under my skin. Simply put, it's because you're bullshit. And not only do you believe that others see "the real and wonderful you", but you believe that this image of you actually exists. Don't get me wrong, I am just as concerned about your own downfall that you will undoubtedly cause unto yourself. But you probably won't even read this (I guess if I really cared then I would send an email or something, but the truth is, this blog is the place where my thoughts spill over. It is not meant to be a battle ground or a medium for righting the wrong.)Before I am accused of not knowing what is happening in your life anymore, let's just go with what was last known. "Mr. Trim Life" as I will call him, live-in girlfriend notwithstanding, toys with you for one reason. You're not stupid (yes I said that!). You know that you're playing with fire. He has a g/f, yet he pursues you. It should be left alone. Unfaithful is unfaithful no matter who you are. Same goes for "Dr. Married". It should be left alone. Every person that "believes in you or your goodness" is seeking something from you. You allow yourself to be used. You allow yourself to be controlled. You don't see it, but they do. You've never been enough on your own. You thought that having "party friends" would fix you. It won't. You cannot cut ties with the familiar. You cannot build anything for yourself or on your own. Why do you think I have always doubted your survival ability in New York City. Dreams are great. But you have to have the tools to make them reality. You can't do this. Enter the "Martyr Syndrome". You practice pep talking and aiding others to build these tools to be applied to yourself. However, you continually fail at this, and thus lose the drive to continue their support (if there's nothing in it for you, it's no longer worthwhile; yet another fact you have admitted to). Enter your selfishness in relation to the "Martyr Syndrome". All in all, I guess I should just be happy that I will never again be subject to your PorN (acronym for Psychoses or Neuroses). Although I am sated in knowing that I, out of everyone in your life, have the most right to speak my mind on these subjects. Second only to your sister, I have been around longer than anyone. And she can't stand you either, most of the time. Although you manage to blame it on her. I should just quit now!

Why do I even waste my time!

I love Donatos pizza (Poor Scott, you sheltered fool!), "Wizards in Winter" and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 9:50:00 AM