The Outlawed Mind
11.30.2004
 
True confessions of the working man
Is it still considered work if you're actually having fun?

I came in this morning at 9 instead of 8. Hell I could have come in at noon if I wanted. I walked in an hour late (technically) and what does my boss do? Sits down in my office and tells me how impressed he is with me and how I am making much more progress than he gave me credit for when he hired me. Of course I am! That's what I do! Hehe! Of course I was humble about it, but I did manage to throw in a "don't forget about me when it's time to hand out Christmas bonuses!" Life is good!

Gotta fire my first employee today. A supervisor, no less. And he's 61 years old. I've never met him. A 23 year old reading the riot act to someone 3 times my age. He'll love that! Oh well. I wasn't going to fire him because I was afraid my manager would think I was being too harsh. But he came in and told me that it was my decision and he would back me up on whatever I decided to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not excited about firing this guy. I'm actually nervous. I'm sure I'll get a "young whipper-snapper" lecture. But the guy violated a major company policy AND he's a supervisor! Bad example!

Anyway, so life is grand, work is fun and I get to see Emily tonight! I may leave work early! I am the master of my universe! It's good to be me!

And I am totally a fan of Jennifer & Chad, Laura & Rich and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.29.2004
 
The lighter side....
True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.













The top 10 Viagra marketing slogans:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, p ositively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis.... This is your penis on drugs.












Penis requests a raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management


Hehe CHEERS!


 
Revised cast list
So taking a cue from the lovely Jennifer Graham, I have decided to update my cast list. Here we go:

Jennifer: Jenny (as I call her) is one of the most intellectual girls I know! She has an amazing personality and is one of the few people in my life that I can talk to for hours. She is under a lot of stress right now and I am afraid that our interactions are going to follow suit with her bad moods lately, but I hope not! Jon loves his busty six year old! (Jennifer was already introduced once but she required an update!)

Scott: He's my boss at work. He's totally cool. Very down to earth yet business-minded. Between him as District Manager and me as Operations Manager, this branch is gonna shock the indianapolis security market by the end of 1st quarter '05! Stay tuned for more!

Tom: One of my officers. A young guy with a passion for law enforcement like me. He doesn't know it yet, but I'm about to promote him to supervisor already. He hasn't even been on my payroll a week yet!

Emily: Emily and I dated for about 3 months back in Spring of this year. We were really good together, but she's a few years younger than me so we ended up splitting up because we were simply at 2 totally different stages of life. She has a b/f now but she's still crazy about me. Another love triangle is not what I need but I'm doing my best to keep her on track!

That's it for now. More introductions will come as needed!

I love my Dymo labelmaker (I've labeled everything in my office almost!), Computer Renaissance and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

 
"Releasing"
OK. Time to rethink things a tad. After careful review of the blogger.com terms of service, I quickly decided to take down the former entry that occupied this spot. However, since some of you got the chance to see it (If you didn't just send me an email!), I DID get threatened with legal action. Didn't even take an hour! But no matter. I got my point across and my journal is not going to be in jeopardy. So all is well.

The text message I received shortly after publication of the original "Releasing" went something like this.

"I suggest u take yours & the whore's slander about off your blog immediately. u sunk 2 low & i WILL stand up 2 scum like u!"

Knowing her the way I do, that meant she was going to stop at nothing to have the last word, so rather than cause myself the headache, I decided to just give in. Besides, it's all in good fun!

I did correct her use of the term slander. In print it's actually libel. Here is a link to a website that will show that she wouldn't have had a case against me anyway if she decided to try and take it to legal matters. http://www.cyberlibel.com/libel.html

Anyway, what's done is done and I have work to do so I must be going now.

LONG LIVE THE FEMINAZI!!!!

CHEERS!

P.S. You've already begun the cheap shots in retaliation to my post. I apologize if you feel that you were wronged. Sadly, you have agreed with several of the points I made on many occasions while begging for my friendship back. Oh well. But, all joking aside, if you make one more comment like "Well you can't even do algebra!", I WILL turn your life upside down. You know that I can. We have discussed too many ways that I could just ruin you. I am going to propose that we call a truce, once and for all. I want nothing to do with you and I am sure that now you want nothing to do with me. How convenient! So I'll behave so long as you drop it. If I get so much as one obscene phone call in the middle of the night, one more belittling remark, one flat tire or any other reason to believe that you are attemptinig in any way to exact your own revenge, all bets are off. You may pride yourself on outsmarting many, but you won't get anything over on me. Trust me, you're safest bet is to let it go and call it a day. It won't kill you! Besides, part of you knows that you had this coming. You've said it yourself: you can only bottle shit up for so long before it comes flying out! It's over and done with. You know you deserved a tongue-lashing. Mark this up as such and move on. Come after me, and there will be hell to pay! You've been warned! Unnecessarily, I hope!

11.26.2004
 
Thanksgiving in review
There are definitely several different kinds of family. Today I sit here, not really sure what day it is, not really sure what time it is and not really sure how much sleep I've had over the course of the past 36 hours. But that doesn't matter. Some would call me an overachiever. Some would call me unnecessarily dedicated when it comes to my job (especially when I'm still new to it). In the past 36 hours I have worked 2 job sites, given 3 rides to/from work and paid one of my officers $35 for cab fare to get home at 1:30 AM when his car broke down in Greenwood. I didn't see my family at all yesterday. All I had were my employees basically. And the only sense of family I had was the teamwork they displayed when they all pulled together to cover over 150 hours worth of holiday work with only half the manpower available to handle that kind of workload. I'm sure no one really cares about or understands the kind of dedication it takes to work 40 hours of security in under three days for a measly $9/hr on and around THANKSGIVING, no less. But I can't count the number of people who did it for me. And they did it because I was down there "in the dirt" with them, leading by example. No one may see that as a big deal. Some may think I'm just bragging, but the truth is, I'm proud of myself for being the kind of leader that I always wished I could have worked for when I was an underling, so to speak. And I know that it will be rewarding in the end because after only a week and a half trying to fill the shoes of my predecessor with whom most of my officers had an admirable rapport, I have earned just as much if not more professional respect from them as he did in 9 years! Oh yeah and my boss is rather impressed as well! :)

Anyway, I would like to show my thankfullness to a few people who have recently had an impact on me. Some people may feel that they were left out when they see that their name was not included, so, that said, I'm going to offer a catch-all "thank you" to all my friends and family ahead of time. Although I may not have time to write a full custom expression just for each of you, I am just as thankful for each of you as well.

Emily: While our time together was short-lived and ill-timed, she has not forgotten me. While I may unintentionally exaggerate this, she recently confessed to me that over the past several months, she has suffered quietly without me in her life. For all she knew, I could have been dating someone, engaged or even married by now, but she still held a place for me in her heart all this time. Many may never know how good it feels to be missed, loved or sincerely remembered even when you are completely absent. But this is the first time that I have had it happen to me. And I can't describe how important and special it makes you feel! I'm meeting her later today after she gets off work. I'm seriously looking forward to it!

Avon: I never thought twice about how lucky I was that I never got one of those phone calls that began with "Hey man, just wanted to let you know I'm leaving for Iraq!". That was until I got one! "Avon" John Lyndsey is a forward observer in the Army Reserves I believe. Could be the National Guard but I'm not in the military so I get those two confused a lot. Forward observers are the guys way up front who are the first to locate the enemy and give away their position. Needless to say, the crosshairs find their way to these guys first. Am I afraid for John? Sure I am. Not to belittle his sense of patriotism, courage or even manliness. He takes extreme pride in his military duty. I recall the time he came upon an off-duty military officer wearing his BDU hat backwards if I remember correctly. John didn't hesitate to approach the officer, apologize in advance for the confrontation, and correct his disrespect of the military uniform. If he is scared, you'd never know it. "You gotta do what you gotta do.", he would say about being called up for deployment. An admirable and dedicated soldier even in my non-military opinion. But beyond that, he is also a more-than-respectable family man. With an ill wife, 3 year-old daughter, outrageous medical bills and a 60+ hour per week painting business to run, he doesn't even realize what an inspiration he surely is (or SHOULD be) to those who know him well. A role model among husbands. A leader among fathers. A hero among men! I am proud to call this man my friend and I wish him well overseas. Fight like I know you will! But come home safe to us all! God speed!

On a lighter note - Deanndra: She simply MUST be mentioned here because she got Dave Smiley to call me this morning! Totally made my day! Yes, I am aware that I am a dork. But he is practically the most amusing radio morning show host that I have heard! It was awesome! Thanks Dee Dee!!!!!

And for today's fan list, I love Superfat Mikey (yes I know he's not on the Smiley show, but he's such a tool!!!), the PA speaker on my company car (as long as Jason doesn't get ahold of it in the middle of downtown Greenfield!) and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.21.2004
 
Reflections from the podium of life
Today I finished my new office. Mike is the guy that I replaced as the Operations Manager at my new company. He was there for 9 years and in that 9 years I don't believe he ever cleaned his office ONCE! It was atrocious! Regardless, I spent several hours yesterday and today cleaning, sorting through old papers and equipment, vacuuming, buying new furniture and supplies and putting my new office together from scratch. And today I had a revelation......

This afternoon I stood in the doorway of my office....and I looked at the final product I had achieved after 14+ hours of literal labor and a large chunk of hard-earned money ($228).........where the money is concerned, it was well worth it to me, but more importantly..............

I realized at that moment that I wasn't looking at the finished product of 14 hrs of sweat over 2 days......I was looking at the end result of over 17 months of pain-staking determination, strong will, and perserverance putting up with a boss I loathed, and a job I was overqualified and underpaid for.....and the whole time I always said that the reason I continued to put myself through it was because I was building my resume and qualifications so that someday, later on, I could really make something of myself to be proud of (and let's not mention all the frustration I endured through college for my degree that also played a hand in getting me this job!) And looking back now; take away my new salary, the company cell phone, the company car, the new office......and all you're left with is a 23 year old rookie who struggled his way thru 5 WHOLE YEARS beating out temptation, emotional hardship and broken will to finally reach a goal and accomplish a dream!

Sadly, this brings me to a whole 'nuther point. I got into a fight with Lori again today. She can't seem to understand why my father won't fund her unnecessarily extravagant social life. She is a victim of my parents' incessant spoiling. She has played my mother against my father for as long as I can remember to get her way, which became even easier after their divorce three years ago. Fortunately, my parents have finally decided to join forces and fight my sister's financial dependence on a unified front. UNfortunately, it is my belief that they waited too long and that my sister's outlook on money and financial life may have been painted with an irreversible brush.

Later on in the evening, I had a conversation with Jennifer in which she confessed her lacking will against her parents who (remember that she is still a teenager) become more and more overbearing and suffocating each day. Jen is very talented, gifted and just a generally all-around good person with enough potential for 3 people! But unfortunately, I found myself scared to death that all of her talents will be wasted as she slowly succumbs to the inevitable difficulties that her parents will cause. By the time she realizes that they weren't really the evil, unloving fiends that she now mistakes them for, it will be too late!

And again, this only led me to thoughts of other friends who have battled life's "phantom" challenges and lost, sometimes repeatedly. Jason and his financial battles.......Deanndra and her numerous struggles with friends, the military, her family and even herself.........Laura and her struggles with relationships........

And after all that, the bottomline is, I know how good it feels to beat the odds......it was hard (REALLY HARD!!!) most of the time when I went through broken relationships, bad spending habits, shitty jobs, horrible friends, slave-driving parents and a world that just seemed to want me gone.......but I made it and looking back now, it doesn't seem anymore that the road was that long or that hard. But so far I've been left with nothing but the fear that I'll always be the only one standing on the podium for a long time and I don't want that! I want the people that I love to be up here with me. But my outlawed mind just doesn't take well with others and most people just don't/can't/won't listen to or understand me!

I think that's enough drama for today. I hope that maybe this little rant achieves some bit of inspiration somewhere, somehow. But hope is the only thing I have to hold onto sometimes, and I haven't let go yet!

And tonight I love my broken family, my so-called "lost" friends and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.20.2004
 
Long overdue
Ok everyone can get off my case now about not updating my journal often enough for their entertainment needs! I know this seems like a pitiful excuse but the biggest reason that I haven't been updating lately is because I have been off work for quite awhile and that means I haven't been stuck in front of a computer for awhile. I have internet at home but it's dialup (until next Wednesday) and dialup is the devil! So enough excuses......

I started my new job finally! My boss is awesome! The job is great! I have a lot of freedom, authority, influence and the best part.......I have an amazingly huge office! Of course I will be taking a couple of pictures soon just so a few select individuals who have requested them may see my new corner office kingdom! Ironically I just spent over 10 hours today cleaning my kingdom and repairing my boss' computer that crashed on Thursday! 3 1/2 hours of file copying.....from MS DOS no less! I need a vacation ALREADY! Hehe!

I'm not going to get too far into this entry tonight. I'm dead tired and there is Pizza Hut calling my name! But starting Monday, I should be back to making regular entries once again so everyone be patient (see that rope? Yes that was meant for you! Yes you! You know who you are!) So until then, I'm going to try and salvage the remainder of my weekend.

And I love my new office (OF COURSE!), my occasional starbucks rendezvous' with my protege and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.07.2004
 
Bump & Grind "art"work

This piece of art is just one example of the crazy atmosphere at The Bump & Grind. Most of it was at least R-rated! Posted by Hello

 
The Bump & Grind drag queens

The guy in the purple on the left shook his cock 'n' balls in my face during a little birthday dance I received from these guys, courtesy of my sister and her friend Wendi! The dude in the red boots planted a kiss on my cheek as well! This place is wicked! Posted by Hello

 
The Bump & Grind and the Berkeley dog park
Last night Crystal informed me that we would be getting up early today (like 10:00ish) to go to brunch. I had a couple drinks and hit the sheets around 2 AM. I woke up this morning at quarter til 10 when Tucker decided to launch a plastic tumbler off the coffee table with his uncontrollable tail which blasted me square in the face. Thanks dog! Anyway, I rolled around for awhile until Crystal decided it was time to go. On the way to brunch Crystal hesitantly informs me that we were heading for a place called The Bump & Grind for an event called Pettycoat Bruncheon. She explained that it was a weekly thing where brunch would be served by men dressed in drag. She was afraid I would be shocked at this so she warned me ahead of time. I was a little nervous about it but it died by the time we arrived. The whole thing was actually extremely humorous. We met up with Crystal's friends Ross and Wendi who both also work at The Fillmore. We went in and sat down next to a huge mirrored wall. The daily specials were clever entrees with catchy titles like Camel Tofu, Jackoff Special and a roast beef sandwich they endearingly named Sexy Beast! I was blown away already. Then comes our food. Ross, Crystal and I all ordered the Cheesy Strada which was a cheddar, sausage and biscuit layer dish but we were all dissappointed when we were informed that they were out of this entree. So instead we all ordered the Shady Rest which was basically biscuits and gravy with smoked sausage and the biscuits were made with scallions and cheddar. When the food came, Crystal tells us that the gravy was the same that they use in the Cheesy Strada. This left me with the following declaration: The only thing worse than hearing that they have run out of Strongbow Cider at The Claddagh Irish Pub is finding out that they have run out of Cheesy Strada at The Bump & Grind Pettycoat Bruncheon! Anyway, the "gravy" was much more like alfredo sauce. Either way, it was amazing! Then Wendi and Crystal manage to inform the wait staff that I am a birthday boy. Next thing I know I have two drag queens softly singing Happy Birthday to me in my ear and rubbing their asses, fake boobs and yes even shaking their bare junk in my face!!!! I was floored! I was laughing hysterically and so were the other 30 or so people in the place! I really had no clue how to react initially, but it all ended up being funny in the end. Today proved to me that I am much more secure with my sexuality than I ever thought I was! I even asked a few of the "waitresses" to pose for a photo with me after our meal! As we left, Somehow I had a triumphant confidence that I had never experienced before. When your limits are pushed, you really get a chance to test your mettle. Next time someone figures me for a homosexual, I will remember this place and just laugh to myself. Too bad more people will never experience the personal freedom you get from being put into a seemingly extreme situation like that and coming out emotionally and mentally unscathed! Although coming out physically unscathed may be a slightly different story!

After my brush with emotional death and drag queen penis, we headed to the Berkeley dog park. This is just a normal city park but with a huge fenced area where dogs can run free. There were about 25 dogs there. Tucker had a blast. Not much to mention about this place except for the mishap where Tucker and a Pit Bull ran a guy over. Literally! We didn't spend much time there!

We're going to a nice upscale restaurant tonight called The Denver Chophouse. I'll probably be including the details of this in tomorrow's entry!

Minor mentions: The dryness out here is so bad I have had nosebleeds everyday so far, I learned to play Texas Hold'em by watching Celebrity Poker today and my investigation into Jason's college hardships has been completed. Full report tomorrow if I have time!

And of course, I love the Total Gym, "going commando" and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.06.2004
 
Denver
It has been over 3 years since I've been out here to visit my sister. I missed her and this city. It's gorgeous and the people are amazing! After I got off the plane, I took my first subway ride to the main airport terminal! Crystal and I had a long talk on the way to The Fillmore Auditorium where she works. We discussed my nervousness about visiting her. It was a rather emotional discussion but I left with some reassurance that she still loves me as her brother and her bitterness towards me won't change that. But I'm still a little ways from getting past that hurdle completely. She is too. She has always been one of my biggest role models. She taught me multiplication when I was a kid, she brought me out of a lot of my closed-minded views towards life and her example has helped mold me into who and what I am today. I love my sister unconditionally and I hope that one day we'll be able to put the bitterness in the past and be more than just brother and sister. I really want to be her friend!

We got to The Fillmore where she works in accounting. I met a ton of her co-workers and friends. They are all mostly very funny and outgoing. I felt very accepted all night. And I met about 4-5 gay men and a few gay women as well. Very interesting people. I don't have the words to explain how interesting the night was! I was promptly presented with an All Access pass for the Social Distortion concert that was going on and I got free drinks all night. I was told that my pass was very rare and would've granted me access to the stage itself right next to the guitarist if I wanted! I was a true VIP last night and I felt like it the whole time! This place is amazing. The city, the people, the lifestyles.....it's a true culture shock! And I honestly don't want to leave!

I'm pressed for time today so I have to skip my usual elaborations for now. Today Crystal and I have spent the whole day so far laying around, watching movies and stuffing our faces. Next on the evening's agenda: take-out food and raiding her well-stocked bar! She's a certified bartender by the way! Oh and if you should find yoursaelf in a situation where this info would be useful, in this region of the country, the altitude has nasty effects on your alcohol tolerance and speed to intoxication. And you can't skimp on drinking plenty of fluids, ESPECIALLY when you've been drinking and/or smoking. Us midwesterners will shrivel into nothing in NO TIME here due to the extreme humidity difference. They have almost none! So consider yourselves warned!

Minor mentions for Saturday: Crystal's roommate has a really cool dog named Tucker and we're fast becoming friends and Laura called and broke the news this afternoon that she is dating Rich, a guy who I very highly approve of and I cannot express how happy I am for them both!

And today I love eyedrops, Brita-filtered water and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

 
The flight
I took my laptop with me figuring I could write a little of an entry about my flight. It's a day late, but I didn't have an internet connection until today. Oh and I was almost late to the airport too! I planned to wake up at 9:30 Friday morning but I overslept until 11:00, still had to get a haircut and had to be at the airport by 1:00 (45 minute drive). The flight was scheduled to take off at 2:15. Not a good start to the day, especially after I discovered that my flight itinerary number ended in 666! Anyway, takeoff was delayed 45 minutes so I ended up being just fine.

Here's my pre-recorded entry from the flight:

I'm sitting in the airport at the moment. Security was insane. I got a full search, wanding and pat down. I felt a little weird but I wasn't going to give them any problems. The guy was pretty cool and gave me the obligatory, awkwardness-suppressing question "Is the weather nice outside?" I got a good laugh out of that. Eventually I'll pull my dad's famous airport baggage check joke on somebody. You walk up to the baggage check counter and say, "I'm flying to Denver but I want one bag to go to Washington DC and the other to Detroit." Of course the attendant will say something along the lines of "I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that." And the punchline comes when you reply, "Why not, you did it the last time I flew!" :) Yes, I know I'm a dazzling wit! Please hold your applause and just throw money! I'm here for your amusement as always!

Time to grow some balls today? Hmmm. Maybe. I just found out that we are both catching connecting flights at Midway at 3:15. She seems rather friendly! I'll elaborate more on this later!

Damn, my flight has been delayed 35 minutes so far. I shouldn't be surprised at this coming from an airline that recently declared bankruptcy! Oh well! Time to power down for now but I have a 75 minute layover at Midway. Plenty of time for an update!

So I'm actually on the plane this time. Interesting. Never had a long enough flight or the technology on hand to be able to use my computer on a flight. My plane from Indy landed late which severely cut into my layover time so I had no time to make an entry from Chicago. I'm currently experiencing the longest sunset I've ever seen! We are flying west apparently at a speed where the sun can't beat the plane over the horizon. The sun has been in the same place for about the last 45 minutes or so. It's really not that big of a deal or anything; it's just a cool phenomenon.

I met an interesting guy while boarding my flight. He's an insurance salesman about my age. He and his wife are on their way to Denver to check out the possibility of moving out there to assume management of the Colorado area for his company. He's about my age and he has 2 kids. It's pretty cool to listen to other people's life stories and how things worked out (or didn't work out) for them. Of course it has never really been much of a secret that I'm a self-proclaimed student of human nature.

I should really get a new battery for my damn laptop. This thing is gonna die soon I think. It says I have 62% battery life remaining but apparently that only equates to about 35 minutes of use. Oh well. I'm due to land in Denver Int'l in about 20-30 minutes anyway.

Oh yeah, and I didn't talk to her. She was on a different flight connecting in the same Chicago airport but apparently she was going to some other city because I didn't see her anywhere in the Midway concourse. Figures....I always screw up and wait too long. I blow my chance about 95% of the time. I REALLY need to work on that! Oh well.

So that's it for in-flight. My sister and I had a long talk on the trip home from the airport. But more on that later.

And I love airport hotties (there were crawling all over all 3 airports), slow sunsets and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.04.2004
 
Investment advice
One year ago, if you bought $1,000.00 in Nortel stock shares, today you would have $49.00. If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Enron stock shares, today you would have $16.50. If you had invested $1,000.00 in WorldCom stock, today you would have less than 5 bucks. One year ago, if you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beverage, not the stock), drank all the beer and recycled all the bottles, assuming a 10 cent exchange rate today you would have $214.00. Based on these figures, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle!

~ Thanks to Laura and yet another crazy away message!

 
Somedays are just full of negativity!
Today has been one of those days. I'm not bummed out or depressed but everything that has been coming at me today has been negative. Maybe it's the gloomy weather also but I can't really decide.

For the past two days I have somehow managed to land on the 97.1FM afternoon talk show called "Monique & The Man". Sidenote: I can't stand Monique's voice! She sounds like one of Marge's sisters from The Simpsons or like some 60 year old woman who has smoked 3 packs of full strength Menthols everyday for the past 40 years!!! Anywho....
Yesterday they were discussing married couples who hide stashes of cash from their spouses. Today it was whether or not this one listener should get drunk on his wedding night. Both days, the discussions managed to segue into a dozen other popular marital issues. I have always been terrified of marriage for the simple reason that I only want to do it once and I don't want my first attempt to end in failure! But these days, that seems to be the most popular trend! Money issues could easily be solved by each person agreeing to put a large and equal percentage of their monthly income into a joint account and using all that money for JOINT expenses (i.e. groceries, mortgage, anything related to the children, etc...) and putting the remaining smaller percentage into individual accounts with the premise that this money may be spent by the earner in whatever way he/she sees fit, no questions asked. But no one seems to want to work that hard to make a marriage work! I could go all day on this subject with several examples, but instead, perhaps I should reconcile myself to the concept that I may be alone for quite some time. I hope not, but I would rather be single for 10 more years than to jump into a marriage that would likely end in short order. But that's just me.

I spoke with Taco the other day. He told me a very disturbing story about Jason. Jason is a Child of a Disabled Veteran, or CDV. This means he goes to college free of charge (well free tuition anyway). My sister and I are also CDV but that's beside the point. Jason attends IUPUI majoring in what they call New Media. Technically it involves CGI and other computer-enhanced graphics and imaging. Anyway, to make a long story short, he goes to school for free but has been living the last 4 years off of student loans instead of working. Although he still lives at home (most of the time) and doesn't have many bills but he is frivolous with his money and he knows it. According to Taco, he is roughly $35,000 into student loan debt. Unfortunately, he missed the entire last semester of school last year and an absence from full-time enrollment for that amount of time voids the application of CDV payments. In a nutshell, he cannot return to college next semester (he has a little less than a year to go) until he repays his gov't loans! All $35,000. I will investigate this dilemma further because I am a little shocked that Jason didn't tell me this himself. Until then, my heart goes out to him. If I ever hit the lottery, I'll invest in his education. He's a good guy suffering from a ridiculous run of bad luck.

Speaking of Jason, he will be taking me to the airport tomorrow to catch my flight to Denver at 2:15 PM. I'm a little anxious about the flight. I haven't flown since before 9/11. My dad flies all the time and he says that security is just a little more of a pain in the ass but that there shouldn't be any cause for concern on my part. I'm not really worried. But I'm anxious to see all the changes. I like flying anyway!

I have now been informed of the plans for my birthday next week (I will be 23 on Nov. 9th). Jason will be picking me up from the airport when my flight arrives at 1:00 AM Monday night/Tuesday morning. We will head for Taco's house and crash (not in the vehicular sense!), wake up Tuesday and immediately begin drinking. I plan to spend the entire day consuming beer, maintaining a sufficient buzz and playing video games. I miss college! I consider this a reenactment! Interestingly, my sister has volunteered to be our taxi/delivery driver all day should we need her to make food runs or to cart us around for any reason! I shouldn't be surprised at her willingness to jump at the chance to give me a worthy birthday gift that will cost almost nothing! I don't really mind though. I figure that after your 21st, birthdays are just a convenient day where everyone is supposed to be a little nicer to you. No big thing anymore!

A few minor mentions: It isn't fair that women are provided with vibrators and other toys while men are left to surrender to the fact that one forearm will always be slightly larger than the other! Also, I was kind of rude to the painters at my dad's house today. Oops! And my guitar needs new strings badly!

Oh and I love wheelchairs, underoos and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

11.03.2004
 
The first official post
Well I came to a conclusion today. I have been feeling rather stagnant lately. My motivation is lacking in several aspects, I haven't been feeling my usual daily "drive" and in general I just haven't quite been myself. I've been skipping workouts, oversleeping on purpose and ignoring certain people for no real reason. None of the above is much like me. But I believe I figured out the problem:
Most people use meditation like breathing exercises or Yoga to "ground" themselves. Other people use music. Some people just need the ever popular alone time. For me, I ride my bike. Unfortunately I sold my bike over a month ago (for those who care it was a 2003 Kawasaki Ninja 636). I haven't been riding, thus I haven't really been myself. New to my to-do list is the task of figuring out how to get myself back to normal when deprived of the usual method(s). My guitar has been collecting a lot of dust. Tomorrow I will see if shaking off my musical rust helps me to regain some of "the old me".
On to other things.

Everybody wish Deanndra a happy birthday. I used to call her Dee Dee and I still do when I talk directly to her. But to everyone else she will be referred to as Deanndra. She hates her name and I recently discovered that she gets harassed because of its originality. A sad fact but true nonetheless. But I disagree with the notion that she should be ashamed or embarassed by her name. So regardless of her approval, I will attempt to reinforce the idea that her name is fine. But no longer will she be referred to by less than her formal label.
Deanndra has a hard row to hoe. Her life has been and still is troublesome. I am hard on her like a strict father is hard on his daughter/son. I find myself a bit distressed at my "tough love" approach to her. I resented my mother for years for using the same philosophy on me. Am I now mature enough to realize it's value, or am I simply a hypocrite? Either way, it is rocky most times but I always seem to come through for her. Although I know I will always accompany bitterness in her mind for several reasons. Regardless, I hope her day goes well and hopefully she realizes that there are plenty of good reasons to celebrate her entrance into this world!

Taco finally got cable internet! His mother is filing for bankruptcy but he says that cable internet actually ended up to be cheaper than dialup AOL. What a small world. My mother is considering filing for bankruptcy as well! And she has cable internet too!

I talked to Crystal today. Just checking in before I fly out to see her in Denver on Friday. She's sick and she's grouchy as hell. Then again, she has always treated me with a rather condescending manner. I'm still just a child in her mind and I am very nervous to spend 3 whole days under her "control" as I am afraid she will view it!

A few other minor points to mention. Jennifer has a headache from hell, Dad left for Michigan today, Lori says she is gonna get drunk with me for the first time next week for my birthday and Jason still has my damn laptop!

Oh yeah, and I love peanut butter, busty 6 year olds and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

 
One of those stupid quiz things....
1. Your real name: Jonathan
2. friends call you: Jon, Nooch, Johnnycakes
3 What your boyfriend/girlfriend calls you: Don't have one
4 What's a name you once wished you'd rather have?: Wesley
5. What are the ugliest names you can think of?: Gertrude, Martha, Beatrice
6. What would you name these if you had them as pets?
a. turtle: Rabbit
b. goose: Honker
7. If there was a song about you, what would it be called?: Nice guys finish last
8. What would you name your kids?: Morgan, Taylor, Garret, Bradley
9. What would you name a ship you built?: The SS Wangfest
10. If you wrote a book, what would it be called?: The Outlawed Mind
11. Thrown up in public?: Oh yeah, on the street in downtown Indy & in a parking garage
12. Eaten or drank anything spoiled?: If I did, it didn't affect me
13. Had a rip in your pants you didn't know about? not that I recall
14. Tripped while checking someone out?: no
15. Had to pay for something you broke?: no
16. Nearly drowned?: no
17. Passed out?: only due to extreme intoxication
18. Had a crush on somebody: constantly!
19. Been stuck in the rain?: Rain has never stopped me
20. Been attacked by an animal?: Deanndra's satanic dog, a goose and an oppossom
21. Caught people having sex?: not on accident!
22. Fallen asleep while driving?: nope
23. Ever liked someone of the same sex?: not "like that"
24. Actually slipped on a banana peel?: no
25. Made a wish that came true?: yes
Complete The Sentence
26. I once had a dream... that I had a foursome with my boss!
27. I'm only racist towards... racists
28. I don't even know why I'm... so passive about things that upset me
29. I'd give anything to have sex with... an australian woman/older woman
30. Nothing sucks more than having to...deal with drama
31. If I had six bucks i'd buy... As much Taco Bell as possible
32. It's hot. I should take off my... shirt
33. It's always more fun if you are...stoned (but I don't do that anymore!)
34. You can't eat steak without... A1 steak sauce
35. You better shut up before I... tell your mom on you
36. I really like you and everything but... NO!
What would you do if...
40. A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass?: I'd shoot him a dirty look and wonder if that really happened or if I was crazy!
41. Somebody was about to steal your car?: I would start yelling at them, put my finger on "911" and tell them to put their hands on the truck and don't move
42. You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed?: A massive panic attack would ensue
43 You farted while giving a persuasive speech in class?: I'd hope to god that no one heard it
44. The person you just kissed tells you they have oral herpes?: I'd scream at them and call a doctor
45. You have three wishes? wish for 3: 1)money 2) love 3) more wishes
46. The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made illegal and one thing to be legalized?: legalize marijuana (yes I'm unoriginal, I know) and make it illegal to be required to work weekends
47. Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables?: I'd ask her if she even knows how to use them!
48. You had a time machine?: I'd travel to the wild west
49. FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted?: I'd make a relaity TV show about motorcycle stunt riding
Would you rather....
50. Would you rather find the cure for cancer or the cure for aids?: Cancer
51. Would you rather have the power to fly, or the power to teleport?: Teleport
52. Would you rather have the power to see the future, or the power to record your dreams?: See the future
53. Would you rather live in the past or the future?: the past
54. Would you rather be lost in a forest, or stuck in a box?: Lost in a forest
55. Would you rather be in a drama movie, or a comedy?: Drama
56. Would you rather be in a hip hop video or a rock video?: Rock
57. Would you rather have your birthday on Christmas Day, or on February 29th?: . February 29th... cuz if it was on Xmas, I would only get presents ONCE a year!
58. Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan?: Afghanistan. I'd be a mercenary!
59. Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary?: Mental institute. No one tries to sodomize you!
60. Would you rather snow board or hang glide: Snowboard
61. Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?: Ninja
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you read the following words?
62. Courage: Lion
63. Driver: Indy 500
64. Yoga: Yogi Bear
65. Bakery: The Bread Ladies
66. Roach: Hotel
67. Mushroom: Getting high
68. Sprung: Jail
69. Exotic: Pets
70. Pythagorean: I f*cking HATE math!
Miscellaneous
71. Construct an acronym for these words. (example: G M S = Give Me Some)...
a. S O L R A K S: Somedays Otis Likes Running And Knee Sliding
b. E B A F S: Every Bald Albino Feels Satisfied
c. C H I N A: Cocaine Has an Intensely Narcotic Attitude
d. R G P: Ruin Gary's Party
72. What is your definition of love?: I'll come back to this one later!
73. List 3 words that are clues to identifying a person you are currently interested in: Rec Spec, Scorpio, Kentucky
74. Reveal a secret about you that most people don't know about, but type it in acronym form. I O W D O A M
76. Were you too scared to do it?: no
77. Who or what is your worst enemy?: Time
78. Who is the last person you kicked?: Holy cow, it's been a LONG time!
79. If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be?: The Knight
80. Name three people you know whose names begin with the first letter of your last name: Nick, Nate and Nacho
81. What's one romantic thing somebody's done for you?: I'll come back to this one too! There haven't been too many incidents!

11.02.2004
 
I...
I KNOW: a little about a lot

I WANT: a new motorcycle

I THINK: way too much

I HAVE: many trusting friends

I CAN: figure out almost any problem

I WISH: I had 3 more wishes

I HATE: the fact that only underage girls chase after me

I MISS: college

I FEAR: that I will never be as successful as my father

I HEAR: time stamp machines clicking

I SEARCH: for new perspectives

I WONDER: why things are the way they are

I REGRET: not playing more sports in high school

I LOVE: intimacy

I ACHE: after a hard workout

I CARE: about my health

I ALWAYS: walk around my apartment naked

I AM NOT: closed-minded

I DANCE: when I'm drunk

I SCREAM: when I'm excited

I CRY: when I'm extremely furious

I LIVE: everyday like it's my last

I DO NOT ALWAYS: tell the truth

I WRITE: reports at work

I SMILE: when I see happy couples

I WIN: people's trust

I LOSE: cigarette lighters

I CONFUSE: almost everyone

I CAN NEVER: accept less than a best effort

I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at work

I NEED: a hug

I AM HAPPY ABOUT: who I have become over the years

I SHOULD: be more charitable

 
The Deanndra Limmerick
"She offered her honor
He honored her offer
So all night long
he was on her and off her".

- Provided by Dr. Jeff Beery (Thanks Dee Dee!)

 
Intro to the Nooch
And so, here I am! Let's not get too deep with my first post! Most of those who will read this already know me, so we'll skip the introductions! This is definitely the perfect time to begin my journal because November is going to be very fast-paced and interesting for me. And if it's interesting or noteworthy to me, it'll most likely find it's way into my journal. Yes I am calling it a journal! I know it's a blog but that word sounds agitating to me. So I'll be unoriginal for the time being. For now, I'm going to use this first post to introduce key people, things or events to be familiar with in order to decipher future posts that will surely involve them. So here we go:

My job: I hate my job at the moment, but I'm starting a new one on November 15th. More to come on that later.

My family: My family is rather broken and geographically separated! I give more than I get back more often than not but I have my reasons. have 4 sisters and I have been completely detached from my father's side of the family since I was 8 years old or so. My mother and her family live in Kentucky.

My apartment: I live in a large, 1 bedroom apartment that is probably 30 years old. I have rust/brown carpets and plaster walls but I love it! It has character! My neighbor below me doesn't like me! I've only lived there for about 5 weeks so I'm sure things will get interesting!

Lori: My youngest sister. She is 20 years old and very temperamental. We usually get along but when we fight, it's beyond bad! She just ended a 3+ year relationship about 3 weeks ago. More to come later!

Jason: My best friend since high school. He's in college and works part-time. He's a lazy fat kid but he knows he is so it's all good! He's one of the funniest guys I know but generally he has a hard time figuring me out! I'm weird to him in most cases!

Jennifer: My best female friend! She is only 16 but I wouldn't trade her for the world! I don't know whether to say she's in-love with me, but she would (and I quote) "hang up her dating keys and marry me TODAY" if she had the chance! She's the most interesting person I know!

Laura: Laura is another best friend. She is an accounting major at Butler University and we don't see each other much. She is gorgeous but has very bad luck with men. She cries on my shoulder a lot about life and love! She's a huge partier and she's a lot of fun!

Taco: A buddy I know through Jason. He's another lazy fat kid! Very irresponsible and has a massive temper issue! But he's fun for the most part and he's a good guy at heart!

Deanndra: She has been in my life longer than anyone else save for those with my last name! Approximately 8 years. We've both been through a lot of the same challenges in life yet we are very different people. We have an extremely diverse history. We have very in depth discussions and she has done a lot of soul searching in recent months and is now on a quest to find herself, although she loves to correct my use of that phrase when applied to her. I would need a few hours and several posts to explain the full complexity of our relationship but for now let's just leave it defined as "complex".

That covers the big hitters. Anything else will be explained later! I'm sure that numerous revisions will be done on many of my first posts here. Check back often and feel free to leave comments! Especially if you agree/disagree with advice I give! Cheers!


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