The Outlawed Mind
This should be interesting. Now that I have a handle on "normal life" again, I'm considering a comeback tour here. Sadly, I don't remember jack about HTML formatting and codes, or more importantly, how I got exposure in the past with my blogging (or how to reconnect with old blogging friends).
Time will tell!
So if it's not one thing, it's another!
I can't fathom life being more interesting (good and bad) than it has been in the past few weeks for me. I'm just going to set autopilot on "expect the unexpected" and then go take a break for a few.
I've been so busy here lately, I forgot I haven't had much time to spend any money. I was happily surprised to see the huge wad of cash that's collecting dust in my bank account! Now...what to blow it on! Although, I never have been too big on spending money. Anybody need a loan? Lol!
So here's a new one for me at work. I got a call a few days ago informing me that some "indiscreet" photos of one of my employees have been going around the facility where she works! Oddly, no one actually complained about it, per se. They were just "letting me know"! Upon further investigation, it appears that said employee previously worked in the adult industry! My officers shock me sometimes!
Now on to my latest challenge. I have a good friend who is currently fighting in Iraq at the moment and I call to check on the wife and kids occasionally. Well wifey thinks very highly of me and apparently I am not allowed to be single in her opinion. So I was duped into coming over to the house and she had her friend Casey over for no real reason *wink, wink*. This girl is not the type I historically meet. She's a Stanford Pre-med graduate. Going into IU medical in August to start grad school. Her area of focus: Neurology! So, in short, a brain surgeon! Attractive, a little shy, one of the best conversationalists I've ever met...
So how do I tell her I'm not looking for a relationship?
And who wants to shoot me for possibly blowing the chance to marry a brain surgeon and retire at 30!?!?
Sorry guys. Work has been KILLING me lately! I'm short-handed by 2 and I have a new account starting July 1st that I've been trying to transition for 3 weeks now! Just a few more days!
Enough about that crap!
It's amazing how I can take almost 4 weeks off from blogging and not only still have a following, but still attract more interested readers upon my return! I got an email from a mystery woman named Sara (it's important to note that it is spelled without an "h") about me and my blog! I was elated!
No more screenshots from World of Warcraft lately. I've been too busy working, and when I am playing the game, I die alot. Nothing spectacular about it either! Oh and Myke, you should definitely get WoW and not that "other game"! And WHEN you do get it, make sure you start in the Shadowsong realm (you'll understand that later)! It'd be cool to play with a friend from the blogging community! I shall challenge you to a duel and then blog of your demise!
After a threat like that, you know you can't turn it down!
Poof! I'm back!
Ok so I've taken an unacceptably long vacation from blogging...
As I said before, I just realized that my life had become an unchanging routine which left me nothing to blog about whatsoever. But I have broken free of certain chains and I'm getting a slightly new start again.
Cutting the ribbon...
OK! So I've realized that unfortunately certain things in my life that I may discuss here may have a less than desired effect on certain other people. So I'll apologize ahead of time for any drama or childishness that may arise here. I'll be quick to delete anything that makes it stuffy in here. I'm so unbelievably tired of the bull$hit!
Speaking of which, I'd just like to mention what a gigantic geek I've become lately. My friend Ben managed to introduce me to World of Warcraft last week. An introduction developed into interest, interest led to pursuance and pursuance has now led to just-stick-a-needle-in-my-arm-and-gimme-a-mainline addiction!!! I could drone on and on about the game and the altered reality it can inspire! But I doubt any of you are as practiced in the arts of geekdom as I (been working on it for years!), so I'll spare you...for now!
Although I did learn how to take screenshots so I'll post up this one that I took yesterday. Somehow I managed to get a small handful of women into a bar, bought a few rounds and before you know it everyone is dancing half naked on tabletops and the bar!
Clearly this game is extremely imaginary! I mean, not only can you make your characters dance all slutty in this game, but I'm actually a pimp (as is illustrated in the screenshot below)!
The Return of the Outlaw...
Yeah so I was hibernating for awhile. I caught the dreaded "lost interest" bug! I realized for awhile that my whole life basically consisted of my relationship, and work. There was never anything new to blog about and I wasn't even entertained anymore! But I've decided to make a comeback! So for the few readers who may still be hanging around...don't pay the ransom, I escaped! And I'm back and cookin' with gas!
Ok, so I'm a little rowdy today! It's been a long month! I was sick...she was sick...I was off work forever...I spent forever catching up on my lost time...things were going wrong at work...can you hear that sad violin playing in the background?!?!
Anywho, I'm off to research snowblowers. Apparently my sister thinks that a snowblower makes the perfect Father's Day gift! Figures!
It's That Time Again...
AHHH! The Canadians are invading!!!
Actually, this picture pretty much shows that it's that time of the year again when my seasonal allergies go apeshit for awhile! Sunday night, it hit me like a ton of bricks! Dry, sore throat and sinuses...stuffy head...aching all over! They say the flu is going around, but my symptoms change so quickly, I don't have a clue what is wrong!
Which actually brings me to another point. Apparently men are the worst sickies in the whole world. We (for the most part) absolutely refuse to go to the doctor, and then we sit around and bitch about how sick we are, yet we do nothing about it. Well at least nothing CONSTRUCTIVE! I, on the other hand, intend to put my illness to good use (it's all about the sick days, after all!) But seriously, what's the point in wasting a $30-$40 co-pay at the doc's office when all he/she is going to do is prod you a bit and then prescribe some antibiotics; the same antibiotics that the doc used to prescribe for colds when you were 4 years old to which you have inevitably built up a substantial immunity over the past two decades. So, in essence, you have spent $30-$40 to shave MAYBE one extra day off your recovery time...when you could have spent $4.99 on one more box of DayQuil instead!
Anyway, wish me a speedy recovery! A voice clip would be cool right about now, as I sound quite a bit like Ned (the voice box guy) from South Park!
The Venessa Meme
Apparently I have been "tagged" to answer a handful of meme questions from a list provided by the lovely Venessa.
So here we go...
1. "If I could be an inn-keeper..."
A. Dude, I'd be pimpin' that $hit out! I'd be runnin' hotel parties day and night, givin' the neighborhood kids a glorious window of opportunity to drink, do drugs and experiment sexually! Just doin' my part in the corruption of society's youth!
...actually, I'd rather be an inn-keeper back in the medieval age. Inn-keepers back then were uber-cool!
2. "If I could be a scientist..."
A. I'd create a pill that would allow everyone to eat as much junk as they wanted and be as sedentary as they pleased and still be slim and sexy! No more exercise and rabbit food!
3. "If I could be a farmer..."
A. Oh, you know I'd be screwing with genetic splicing and crap! Come to think of it, I'd create the first real-life jackalope!
4. "If I could be a missionary..."
A. I'd fly my happy ass over to Afghanistan and hand-select a small team of soldiers, trackers and marksmen and I'd find Bin Laden my damn self!!!
...oh wait, that's a "mercenary"! I always confuse those two!
5. "If I could be a linguist..."
A. I'd develop a language where humans could converse with animals! Although I'm not sure if all pet owners are really prepared for what their pets may have to say!
And just for good measure, I took the Nerd Test too!
Chain Letters, Shmane Letters!
I want to thank all of those lovely people who have taken the time and trouble to send me their chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay. (Sorry guys!)
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you all, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Clearly mine is a life truly blessed thanks to the advent of electronic mail!
My Father, the Original Groovemaster!
Today is my father's 56th birthday. I dunno if that's a big number or not though. He's got a lot of numbers attached to him. 15 = the number of years he spent in the U.S. Army. 17 = the number of years he's been nicotine-free. 4 = the number of heart attacks he has survived. 2 = the number of times he's been married (and divorced). He's had a colorful life, that's for sure. Plenty of ups and downs, positives and negatives, regrets and memories. I'll be doing real well if I'm ever even half the man he is someday.
Anywho, so we (meaning my sisters and I) planned to take the man to Carraba's last Saturday night to celebrate. (Sidenote: The food was great but the Sangria was less than impressive!)
I just noticed that I use parantheses ALOT when I blog! Hmmm...
Let's clear two things up real quick:
1. One of my sisters lives in Denver and we flew her out for the weekend unbeknownst to my unsuspecting father.
2. My old man NEVER gives big reactions when he's surprised. Similarly, I don't think he can even be startled, come to think of it.
So sister number 1 arrives, sister number 2 picks her up at the airport, both sisters meet brother at predetermined location, and oblivious father walks in and "SURPRISE!!!!"
And his reaction is a rather non-chalant "heeeyyyy!!!" (obligatory grin included). But no one is disappointed because, that's pretty much the best reaction you could hope for. However, at dinner later, I make a point of his lack of enthusiasm. SO right there in the middle of the restaurant, he gets up and goes "did you expect to see something like THIS?"
Please refer to the visual aid below to complete the mental image! (keep in mind, he is even more lacking in rhythm and refinement than he is in enthusiasm!)
Click Here (Not dial-up friendly...about 8.5MB)
Diamonds Are a Guy's Best Friend
The fact that I find these amusing probably doesn't say much for my character!
I Need a Meme...
I am such a disappointment. Nine f*cking days without blogging! Creative inspiration has been lost on me. I've tried to find a meme or two to toss around until I get back on my own two feet, but no such luck!
Anywho, so if you read Deanndra's blog, you'll note that I had a brush with death recently.
Without going into massive detail, I choked on food for the first time in 23 years!
...on a Lemonhead, no less!
I'm driving down I-74 to Cincinnati, minding my own business. One would think that to look at the innocent little face on the package, how could it ever be harmful!?!?
Until you accidentally suck one down your windpipe, effectively restricting all inward and outward airflow to your lungs creating massive internal panic which causes you to immediately dart across two lanes of interstate traffic, slam on the brakes on the shoulder and miraculously dislodge the culprit candy while giving yourself the heimlich...(actually I was trying to put my head between my legs and kiss my ass goodbye but apparently it's one of those "6 of one, half-dozen of the other" situations!)
Anyway, sour candy in your throat doesn't feel too good, but it's a great excuse to stop for ice cream!
In other news, Venessa thinks that my story about toasted marshmallows is blogworthy. Once upon a time, I was about 8 years old and I ate about 2 bags of full-size marshmallows (toasted over a campfire, of course) all in one sitting. Then I ended up getting sick and (to borrow a term from Deanndra) managed to extinguish the fire with my projectile vomit!
I don't eat toasted marshmallows anymore.
It's odd how a bad experience with food can ruin it for you forever. Like tomatoes or toasted marshmallows in my case.
I am Google...hear me roar!
Which Website are You?
Stole this from
I am such a blog thief! Watch out, I may be stalking YOU next! (Although some of you wouldn't complain too much if that were the case!)
20,000 comedians out of work, and here comes the Outlaw...
Again, how can you people not find Annette funny?
A convo from earlier this week...
Outlaw: Um...does canned asparagus make canned tomato puree explode if you put the two together? Like do they not play nice or something?
Annie: How the hell should I know? I can't do regular math in this state, let alone vegetable math!
Outlaw: I don't think it's a matter of math.
Annie: Tomato crap + asparagus crap = explosino?
Annie: See? Math!
Annie: Explosino? LMAO...I can speak Spanish when I'm drunk!
Outlaw: I think it's something more like the conceptualization of putting an elizabethan collar on a dog to keep him/her from licking his/her stitches!
Annie: Well I'm not that flexible... nor do I get your analogy there.
Outlaw: It is possible that I make less sense when I'm sober than you do when you're drunk!
Annie: That sentence required some brain power for me to interpret.
Annie: Oooohhhh, and last night I was drinking (again) and using words like "copious"!
Annie: Clearly, drinking makes me smart!
Outlaw: In point of fact, I'm rather impressed that you have even made it this long without a typo!
Outlaw: You little dipsomaniac!
Outlaw: ...there's another word to add to your drunken smart list! It means "alcoholic".
Annie: Well goodnight then, dipsomaniac!
Outlaw: ...although "lush" works too (if you wanna be uninteresting about it)!
If you notice, this conversation was initially sparked by a post on Dan's blog.
I'm so easily amused, it's pathetic!
This one took awhile!
I've changed my blog links section in my sidebar. Everyone now has there very own button, courtesy of this site which I stole from this guy!
If you have any complaints about your button's color, then go make your own and if you want to go through the hassle of emailing it to me, I might get around to changing it. I tried to match the color of the button with the color of the blog it links to.
In other news, it has been brought to my attention that I have apparently been officially tagged as a gay man now on another blog.
It was bound to happen sooner or later! What's that saying about when you lay with the wolves or something? Hehe!