Kentucky girls

I've already called the moving company and I'm packing my belongings as we speak!
Posted by Hello

- posted by The Outlaw @ 1:25:00 PM |

 
My first interactive post
So today as I was browsing arround over at "SickSadLilWorld", I managed to come across an unusual but fascinating concept. In today's society, we have an odd inclination to use product brand names in place of the actual product name. A good example of this would be Velcro. Velcro is a brand. Hook and loop fastener is the product that Velcro is most known for. But although 3M, Scotch and other companies also make hook and loop fasteners, we almost always call the product "Velcro".

So today I challenge you, my loyal readers, to come up with more examples of this unusual "phenomenon" as they commonly occur in daily context. Post your contributed thoughts as a comment on this post.

So far we have:
> Kleenex (for facial tissue)
> Coke (for soda)
> Q-tips (for cotton swabs)
> Rolodex (for index file systems)
> Jell-O (for gelatin desserts)

And yes, I am aware that I think too much!

Quote of the day:
~ "On the first day, god created the earth...and he saw that it was good.
On the second day, god created man...and he saw that he was good.
On the third day, god created music...and he saw that this was good.
On the fourth day, god created the club...and the people started to move."
- Aquagen

I'm a big fan of hott doctors, Christmas bonuses and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

P.S. My blog is increasing in popularity! Thanks to all of my readers, new and old! Hope you are entertained!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 3:33:00 PM |

 
Napoleon Dynamite
My sister from Denver flew in for the holidays. I wish that there were words in the English language to describe her odd sense of humor. She brought one of her recent favorite movies with her. Napoleon Dynamite had a few oddly funny moments but overall was one of the most poorly made and utterly retarded movies I have ever had to watch! If you haven't seen it and you get the chance, schedule a root canal instead. It will be more amusing.

On a positive note however, I did learn through watching this movie that Hilary Duff has an older sister who is, in comparison to Hilary, not only unequivocally gorgeous, but unlike the younger Duff, she is legal!

Anyway, so a list of my more noteworthy Christmas hoardings:

~ Picture frames and imported items (clocks, etc.) for my new office
~ i-Robot and The Bourne Supremacy DVDs
~ European gourmet candies and chocolate
~ "It's Happy Bunny" T-shirt, framed postcard and 2005 calendar
~ A Brita water filtration system for my kitchen sink
~ Driving gloves to match my normal business attire
~ A Wal-Mart gift card for $150 (for a new TV)

And for my fan list today, "w00t!" for mulled wine, mushroom stamps and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!


- posted by The Outlaw @ 1:56:00 PM |

 
And the construction continues...
Although I am operating under an "Under Construction" banner heading up my blog, I have been slacking on actually building the page lately. But that will be coming to a halt shortly.

I'm still learning about HTML and how to get free add-ons for my page. If anyone else is working on expanding their blog page, may I suggest this helpful site. If you already know about HTML code and placement, try this site out.

Feel free to IM or Email me if you'd like some beginner's assistance. I'm more than happy to help!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 8:15:00 PM |

 
A wonderful start to the holiday weekend...
I just feel the need to bitch and moan a little real quick. You don't mind, do you? Thanks!

Some of you may know that I work as a high-level manager in the security industry. In the security business, holidays are prime time for big revenue since everyone needs extra security during shutdown or holiday vacation times when most people are off work. Well, in wonderful Indiana, we got over 16 inches of snow last night. I, being the fool that I am, was up until 3:30 AM this morning talking to a lady friend of mine. An hour later, the shit hit the fan.

At 12:30 AM this morning, I got a report that one of my fleet vehicles had died and wouldn't start back up. So I figured I could just have it towed in the morning. No problem.

At 4:30 AM, I got a phone call from my sister (who is working the holidays for me) trying to get a pair of shoes from my house that she left here weeks ago.

At 6:25 AM I got another call from one of my supervisors reporting that, due to the snow, he could not make it into work on time.

I lost track off all the phone calls at that point, but I do know that as of this very moment, I have had over a dozen call-offs, 3 supervisors called off, I now have 2 fleet vehicles with seized engines and a partridge in a pear tree (cliche!).

So I finally decide to try and brave the ridiculous traffic and driving conditions to get to my northside office around 8:00 AM. I decided to forego my morning shower since 15 minutes away from my phone would have caused a panic in the field. I threw on some warm street clothes and spent the following 20 minutes standing in a 2 foot snow drift attempting to dig my car out of the snow. Once the car was free from it's frozen grave, my neighbor's son pulled it out of the driveway and onto the road with his 4x4 truck. I finally got underway a little before 8:30.

We won't even go into detail about the drive. I did, however, find some amusement in the idea of sliding sideways on I-465 for several yards at a time as an effective means of traversing the highway!

I arrived at the office around 9:40 where I found that not only had my secretary failed to show up for work, but she had also neglected to call me and notify me of this fact. I called her shortly after getting settled and she goes "Oh yeah, well I can't even get my car out of my parking space in my apartment complex. I just figured we weren't working today 'cause of the snow!"

So, in short, I have 2 broken down vehicles, a dozen call-offs, holiday hours still left to cover, my feet are still soaked from standing in the snow bank, I stink and I'm the only one in the office to handle it all PLUS answer phones, make calls, set up schedules and hand out paychecks.

I wish this building had windows higher than the second floor! From that height, I'd only bounce off the parking lot!

But I'm positive enough to still add a fan list. And today it includes emergency brakes, nymphomaniacs (what else would I stay awake 'til 3AM for?) and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 1:20:00 PM |

 
Happy Ramahanukwanzmas!
"Merry Christmas" has apparently been deemed as politically incorrect this year. But "Happy Holidays" just sounds too formal. So I've decided to use the phrase "Happy Ramahanukwanzmas" instead. I hope no one minds!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 10:40:00 AM |

 
Colored with the paintbrush of mayhem

Currently this is my favorite picture I have come across on the internet.
Posted by Hello
- posted by The Outlaw @ 3:57:00 PM |

 
Another complaint
I just realized that whenever I send someone a link through Instant Messenger and they immediately go "what's this?", I want to injure them severely! Why can't they just click the link and find out? It's not like I would send a virus or something! I mean I could understand if they were checking to ensure that the material in the link is work safe. But my social circle is generally comprised of unemployed losers or career college students! The ones that actually have jobs don't have the luxury of IMing while at work! I'm just special seeing as how I'm the boss at my office!

By the way, this link is excellent (and work safe...you bastards!)

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 1:32:00 PM |

 
New things
I just taught myself HTML (regarding web page building) in about 10 minutes. Well, the basics anyway. It is highly possible that I may be a genius!

Yesterday I bought my first ever business suit. A $350 Oscar De La Renta, 3-button jobbie. I must say, I had to fight the urge to do the "Bond...JAMES Bond!" monologue while looking at myself in the mirror!

I learned a lesson while shopping for the suit. Some people shop for high quality clothes at the mall or at outlets. Some people will fly (quite possibly on their own private jet) to Beverly Hills just to buy new shoelaces. I learned yesterday that you cannot enter a high quality store with the same casual habits, attitude and personality that you would display at, say, Wal-Mart. Storytime:

The woman who sold me the new suit was quite a bit older. A seasoned professional perhaps, but either way she successfully employed a sneaky-as-hell sales tactic that I fell for. And I could have easily caught her if I had checked the receipt before leaving. To match the suit, naturally I picked out 2 shirts and a tie for each. I started with 4 shirt options and narrowed it to 2. I started with about a dozen tie options and narrowed it to 2 as well. While building up to a dozen ties from which to choose, I failed to notice that each tie added to the selection pool magically jumped in price. Ultimately, I left the store with a new suit, 2 shirts and 1 regular necktie. The other tie was Italian and cost more than the 2 shirts combined. This woman was a genius. Or I'm just a complete sucker.

So today I dig the new Eggnog latte at Starbucks, late night visitors and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!




- posted by The Outlaw @ 10:40:00 AM |

 
Wonderful advice
Some of you may know that I have very strong opinions about marriage. I came across this small but excellent piece of advice today in another blog:

"Not that you asked...

Here's my best guess about how to ensure a long and loving marriage: marry up. Make sure that you find, court, and marry someone who you respect and look up to; someone who challenges you to be who you are called to be; someone who makes you wish that you were a better person; someone who you completely admire; someone honorable, generous, virtuous, and loving of others.

If at all possible, make sure your spouse marries up, too."

In other news, somebody's blog got hijacked today I see! I wish I was cool enough to have the tools to have been able to do this. Oh well, I'm over it!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 2:29:00 PM |

 
The world needs a pause button.....or TiVo!
I had a very odd commute home last night.

While waiting to merge onto I-465 from North Keystone, I pulled up next to a white Honda Civic full of wiry-looking oriental women. I noticed the one in the backseat on my side. This lady bothered me. She had her face pressed against the window, finger up her nose digging for gold, COMPLETELY oblivious to 5 lanes of shoulder-to-shoulder rush hour traffic (aside from the fact that the windows weren't tinted or anything either!) I used to want to learn about foreign cultures. Maybe I'll just go shadow elementary-level special education teachers instead!

Later, near the 56th St. exit on I-465 South, I happened to glance over into the Northbound lanes just in time to see the hood from a car go flying about 10 feet up in the air. I couldn't tell where it had come from or where it landed due to the high concrete K-rail divider. I have seen the way that hoods attach to cars. What I witnessed was a feat to behold! I've always wanted to actually watch an accident happen. Damn K-rails!

Then on the exit ramp from I-465 to I-70 East, I looked to my right to see the sunset. The whole sky was bright purple and the last beams of light from the sun were (no joke) HOT PINK and orange in the center. Although the freaky and more noteworthy part was the cylindrical beam of neon pink light shooting straight up in perfect (albeit otherworldly) geometrical form from the center of a church roof. For an instant, I was totally creeped out.

Then a hottie in a Mercedes Benz passed me and oddly my attention span bottomed out!

As if these small instances of weirdness weren't astounding enough (I'm easily amused!), what happened to me this morning was nothing short of a miracle.

A cruel, ironic, unfair miracle.

The hot chick that I hired about 3 weeks ago magically disappeared last Saturday when she was supposed to work. Scott and I both tried calling her. No answer. We both left a message. Then yesterday I find out she's back to work as normal like nothing ever happened. Think again sweetie! So I was of course obliged to call her and suspend her until she came into my office to discuss her unreported absence from Saturday. I'm on such a power trip! Anyway, she said she would be here this morning. And boy was she! She showed up looking about as provocative as state law would allow. So I'm thinking she's gonna try and flaunt her way out of trouble. Fortunately I'm not quite shallow enough to allow this! We walked into my office for a closed-door meeting (this is standard procedure guys, I'm not that stupid!). The talking lasted for about 2 minutes before she realized she was losing the battle for which she had thought she was more than aptly armed.

I've never seen someone be more desperate to keep a lousy $9/hr job!

She turned the heat up like you wouldn't believe. As she walked over to my desk, crawled on top of it, tossed her long blond hair back and grabbed my tie, I literally pinched myself to check that I wasn't dreaming. This girl was, for all intents and purposes, unknowingly acting out every man's most viscerally carnal fantasies (Although I could be wrong about the "unknowingly" part). Theoretically, I was a porn star for about 60 seconds!

I fired her.

God damn I have willpower!

...wait!

Fuck!

A fan list? Piss on it today, I just want to get laid! Maybe later.

CHEERS!







- posted by The Outlaw @ 11:53:00 AM |

 
The Kitsune theory

Though they rarely caused mankind any serious harm,
these Japanese fox spirits known as kitsune
were well known for playing tricks on people
and could be a real nuisance. They possessed
the ability to transform into any creature,
though they would often retain their fox tail.
One could easily determine the age and level of
maturity of a kitsune by counting it's tails;
An immature, rambunctious kitsune would have
very few tails, while a wise and powerful one
would have as many as nine.

As a kitsune, you are clever, sensual, beautiful,
mysterious and effeminate (even if you are a
guy). You are also somewhat sneaky and like to
pull pranks on people, but otherwise you are
very pleasurable to be around.



Who is your inner Shapeshifter?
brought to you by Quizilla
- posted by The Outlaw @ 6:48:00 PM |

 
Random thoughts
Trans-Siberian Orchestra was on "Good Morning America" this morning. I wouldn't have caught it except that I was awakened by my subconscious this morning telling me that I had left my Nextel in the living room all night. At 6:00 AM, a sudden panic will effectively dismiss all hope of resuming sleep again. I didn't have to be at work until 10:00 this morning so I just lounged around the apartment all morning. I have felt rather unproductive all day as a result.

As I left work yesterday, I became aware of a sore feeling in my throat on the right side, as if maybe one tonsil but not the other had become swollen or something. I hoped it would go away by this morning. I think I need to see the doctor. This doesn't feel natural!

Why must there be a plethora of young and available "targets" in all the places I am not allowed to "hunt"?!?! Sometimes life is not only unfair, but cruelly ironic as well!

And I'm a total fan of "The Search for Love in Manhattan", procrastination and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 1:16:00 PM |

 
Women translated
We need...........I want
No, I am not upset.........Of course I am upset you moron
Go ahead, do what you want..........You will pay for this later you bastard!
We need to talk.......I need to complain
Look how nice the neighbor's yard looks.........Get off your fat ass and mow the lawn
The garbage man comes tomorrow..........Take out the trash dummy!
My hair looks terrible........I need fifty bucks for a perm
I need new shoes for the wedding........My other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
No I am not angry.......I am livid
This kitchen sure is small.......Buy me a new house
I don't want to talk about it.......Go away, I am still building up steam to unleash on you later!
I'll be ready in a minute.......Take your coat off and see if there's a football game on
Am I FAT........Tell me how beautiful I am
It's your decision.......Especially if you make the right one
Nothing is wrong.......Everything is wrong
Let's be romantic and turn out the lights.......I'm having a "fat day"
Not to change the subject, but.........I am changing the subject
How'd you like the tuna casserole.......If you didn't you better lie through your teeth
How much do you love me?.........Should I tell him I wrecked the car
Sure, sex would be nice...And just which particular month did you have in mind?
You're so manly.........You need a shave and you smell like a locker room
Yes, I know there are two sides to an argument.......Mine and the wrong one
Shopping isn't everything........But it sure beats the hell out of whatever's in second place.
I love you........I want something

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 3:24:00 PM |

 
The Outlaw meets Faustus
I ran across an amazingly inspiring and riveting (in my meager opinion) blog today. The author is a gay man in New York telling his stories of life, love and the lackluster of each. I find his witty writing style to be one of the most amusingly endearing pieces of electronic literature I have come across recently (perhaps a close second to HomeStarRunner!). Here is a link to his blog - - > http://searchforlove.blogspot.com

And for grins and giggles (especially for me once some of my more homophobic readers catch this post!), here is a sample post from his blog:

"Tuesday, April 16, 2002

So last Friday I went on a date with a guy named W.F. At least I think it was a date. It didn't end in sex, and in my hyper-sexualized state of existence, that threw me into a morass of uncertainty.We had lunch at Raffaela's and then we got dessert. He got up to look at the dessert display and came back and said, "I know what I want. It's this hexagonal tart that's part raspberry mousse and part chocolate." So he ordered that, and it came, and it was a regular, triangular piece of dessert.

This was my immediate thought: "That's not hexagonal. I can never love you. You don't even know basic shapes."

Then a second thought occurred to me and, pretending that I had to go to the bathroom, I got up and snuck over to the dessert case. Indeed, his dessert was only a slice of an originally hexagonal dessert. So I realized I could love him after all. Of course, it wasn't a tart, but I can forgive that.

Except--wait--it is just occurring to me that maybe he said not "tart" but "torte," which is what it actually was--in which case he is perfect and I love him.

Now I have to figure out if this was actually a date or not."


"Monday, February 11, 2002

Three days to Valentine’s Day. It’s a shame that we’ve forgotten the origins of Saint Valentine’s Day. In 269 A.D., by order of the prefect of Rome, Valentine was beaten with clubs and then beheaded. I think it would be appropriate for each of us to commemorate his day by selecting someone to beat with clubs and then behead.

I went to Tea & Sympathy (my new favorite place) in the west village with a date last week. I ordered the afternoon tea (which I highly recommend) and my date ordered the Welsh rabbit. When our food arrived, after we had eaten for a little while, I asked him “So how’s the Welsh rabbit?” He said, in a very cheerful tone, “Well, first of all, it’s Welsh rarebit, and it’s very good.”

This is not a person I need in my life.

First of all, anyone who insists that "rarebit" is preferable to “rabbit” is pretentious.Second of all, he is wrong. The Oxford English Dictionary lists 1725 as the first appearance in English of the term “Welsh rabbit,” almost certainly a borrowing from the French “lapin gallois”; not until 1785 does “Welsh rarebit” appear, probably as a “corrected” version of the name of a dish that has no rabbit in it.

Not that I have a thing about being right or anything.

And I wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend."

No fan list (aside from this guy's entertaining blog). I already did one today!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 3:04:00 PM |

 
Here we go again....
I really wish that I did not get passionately involved in issues that really are meaningless. Call it bitterness, call it arrogance, hell call it a need for attention even if you want. I can't explain. I just know that sometimes people, events or even words just rub me the wrong way and before you know it I'm all up in the face of causality getting angrier by the minute. And so here I go again, sticking my nose into business that's not mine.

Once again, quotes for reference:

"I finally came to terms with something about myself this morning...I will always be the martyr. I used to hate this about myself. I used to hate the fact that I would stick my neck out for others, and never get it in return. But now I have finally resolved myself to the fact that that is just me......And while I never hoped to become as extreme with this as my mom, I will no longer hide from who it is I am. Jon used to refer to it as something like "Martyr Syndrome". Always finding that other people were more important than myself, yet in the same sentence, he also found it incredibly easy to call me selfish. Here's the thing. I have been hurt alot in my life. I never want to see someone else have to go through what I have endured."

You don't give a shit about people. You never have. You've admitted this. I feel sorry for the people in your life whom you were successful in fooling to believe that you are some kind of saint. You're not a saint. You're not a martyr. You're not even a friend. You're a good actress. Nothing more. Between Andis and I, it has become clear now that outsiders read our blogs. With this in mind, I only hope that someone will realize that an upstanding, intelligent and mature individual such as myself would not waste time in voicing opinions simply out of malice or childishness. Clearly I must have a justifiable (in some personal respect) reason to explain why you get under my skin. Simply put, it's because you're bullshit. And not only do you believe that others see "the real and wonderful you", but you believe that this image of you actually exists. Don't get me wrong, I am just as concerned about your own downfall that you will undoubtedly cause unto yourself. But you probably won't even read this (I guess if I really cared then I would send an email or something, but the truth is, this blog is the place where my thoughts spill over. It is not meant to be a battle ground or a medium for righting the wrong.)Before I am accused of not knowing what is happening in your life anymore, let's just go with what was last known. "Mr. Trim Life" as I will call him, live-in girlfriend notwithstanding, toys with you for one reason. You're not stupid (yes I said that!). You know that you're playing with fire. He has a g/f, yet he pursues you. It should be left alone. Unfaithful is unfaithful no matter who you are. Same goes for "Dr. Married". It should be left alone. Every person that "believes in you or your goodness" is seeking something from you. You allow yourself to be used. You allow yourself to be controlled. You don't see it, but they do. You've never been enough on your own. You thought that having "party friends" would fix you. It won't. You cannot cut ties with the familiar. You cannot build anything for yourself or on your own. Why do you think I have always doubted your survival ability in New York City. Dreams are great. But you have to have the tools to make them reality. You can't do this. Enter the "Martyr Syndrome". You practice pep talking and aiding others to build these tools to be applied to yourself. However, you continually fail at this, and thus lose the drive to continue their support (if there's nothing in it for you, it's no longer worthwhile; yet another fact you have admitted to). Enter your selfishness in relation to the "Martyr Syndrome". All in all, I guess I should just be happy that I will never again be subject to your PorN (acronym for Psychoses or Neuroses). Although I am sated in knowing that I, out of everyone in your life, have the most right to speak my mind on these subjects. Second only to your sister, I have been around longer than anyone. And she can't stand you either, most of the time. Although you manage to blame it on her. I should just quit now!

Why do I even waste my time!

I love Donatos pizza (Poor Scott, you sheltered fool!), "Wizards in Winter" and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 9:50:00 AM |

 
Christmas Eve
IN AN OLD CITY BAR
THAT IS NEVER TOO FAR
FROM THE PLACES THAT GATHER
THE DREAMS THAT HAVE BEEN

IN THE SAFETY OF NIGHT
WITH IT'S OLD NEON LIGHT
IT BECKONS TO STRANGERS
AND THEY ALWAYS COME IN

AND THE SNOW IT WAS FALLING
THE NEON WAS CALLING
THE MUSIC WAS LOW
AND THE NIGHT CHRISTMAS EVE

AND HERE WAS THE DANGER
THAT EVEN WITH STRANGERS
INSIDE OF THIS NIGHT
IT WAS EASIER TO BELIEVE

FOR IT WAS INTO THIS BAR
THAT I HAPPENED TO WANDER
TO STARE INTO A GLASS
AND MY UNIVERSE PONDER

SO I WALKED UP TO THE COUNTER
SHOOK THE SNOW OFF MY COAT
THEN I ORDERED A WHISKEY
THAT I USED LIKE A MOAT

BUT AN OLD MAN SOON JOINED ME
AND ASKED IF I KNEW THE TIME
ONE WORD LED TO ANOTHER
AND SOMEHOW I DIDN'T MIND

THEN HE OFFERED A DRINK
FROM A BOTTLE 'NEATH HIS COAT
AND HE SMILED A LITTLE SMILE
AS IT TRICKLED DOWN MY THROAT

AND I FELT MYSELF RELAXING HERE
AMONG THE GHOSTS THAT FAILED
THEN THE OLD MAN TOPPED MY GLASS OFF
AND BEGAN A LITTLE TALE

IN THE MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES
BOTH THE JOYOUS AND THE TRAGIC
IF THE TRUTH IS TO BE TOLD
WE ARE ALL PURSUING MAGIC

AND THE MAGIC THAT WE SEEK
AS WE'RE SURE YOU HAVE DISCOVERED
CAN BE FOUND IN CERTAIN PLACES
FAR MORE EASILY THAN OTHERS

IN THE SAND BENEATH THE SPHINX
IN THE DREAMS OF CANDLELIGHT
BUT THE SUREST PLACE OF ALL
IS IN THE FORGIVING WORLD OF NIGHT

AND OF ALL THE NIGHTS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR
THAT COME AND GENTLY LEAVE
NONE HOLD THE DREAM OF MAGIC
LIKE THE EVENING, CHRISTMAS EVE

To be continued.....

- posted by The Outlaw @ 9:50:00 PM |

 
Big weekend
I'd like to start off by saying that I got more kudos from the bossman again today! Yes, I am the shit! Please hold your applause and just throw money!

Anywho, I have a big weekend planned. Leaving work early today (apparently that's the common standard for Fridays at the office!), then heading to Greenwood to drink some beer and hang out with Greg and Justin. Then it's off to the comedy club at 10 tonight. Tomorrow I have dinner at Avon's house before he gets deployed Monday (not long now!!!) and then off to Dayton on Sunday. Busy, busy!

So I got my first RFP Monday and had my first pre-proposal bid conference yesterday. Eight competing companies (including Initial) were there competing for a 1,264 hour/week account! It was nerve-racking for me! A room full of experience and business talent wrapped in silk and wool suits! People think that the security business is a joke! Yeah right! This is going to be a huge battle. And as competitive as the Indianapolis market is, Scott and I are going to have our hands full!

I am a recent addict of www.homestarrunner.com. Check it out! Strong Bad Emails are especially funny! I realize that most of you don't share my unique sense of humor. Oh well. I find it hysterical.

Sorry for the short and relatively low impact entry today! Not too much on my mind lately outside of work and "her"! But more entries soon to come I'm sure!

And I seriously love home-wrecking bitches, "The Cheat" and my outlawed mind!

CHEERS!



- posted by The Outlaw @ 2:49:00 PM |

 
The Axe Effect
Some of you may be familiar with my interesting yet sad sexual history! Well everything that I ever knew about intimacy came to a screeching halt last night. In short, I had one of the most amazing, erotic and satisfying (emotionally AND physcially) sexual encounters last night with a certain young woman who shall remain nameless (even though she doesn't read my journal!). I've known her for quite awhile, we've both known that we sort of had a thing for each other (her longer than me I learned) and we don't see each other very often at all. We talk on the phone sporadically and that about sums up our relationship.

Last night, I treated my friend John (who is Iraq-bound this coming Monday) to dinner and drinks at Hooters! I know a few of the waitresses there and "my girl" came along as well. Long story made short, we had several beers at Hooters, the night then proceeded to John's house where we played some drinking games and then I drove "my girl" back to Greenfield. We were both buzzin' fairly well but not drunk. Anywho, she had dropped hints all night that she didn't want to go home that night and would rather stay with me instead. We made it home around 11:00 PM. I made it to sleep around 2:30 AM. For 3 hours I was lost in this girl. I don't have the words to describe it right off hand, but it was amazing. I sat at my desk today at work completely unproductive. I could not force my mind to focus on anything but her. Her smile, her laugh......yes I am aware that I sound like a smut-novel or something. Oh fucking well! It's worth it!

And may I add a sidenote here....Axe body spray is the shit! Have you heard of "the axe effect"? It's the coined phrase now used to describe the theoretical onslaught of women that you will encounter while wearing Axe body spray. It works! I've been using this stuff for a week.....and everyday it gets noticed! And not just a casual, "hey you smell good".....more like they grab your shirt and climb onto you and bury their face in your neck practically!!! Great stuff. I wear Tsunami if anyone wants the recommendation!

And for Hump Day, I love Strong-Bad Emails, "women with a plan"! and my outlawed mind!


CHEERS!
- posted by The Outlaw @ 7:19:00 PM |

 
The fan list post
So everyone has undoubtedly by now realized that I close 95% of my posts with what I call my "fan list". It's a list of 3 things that I really like, one of which is always "my outlawed mind" (of course!). Sometimes it's sarcastic, sometimes it's purpose-driven, sometimes it's just for fun but it's always there as my signature trend in almost all of my posts. So I figured it's time to make a post dedicated to my fan list. So here's an expanded version.

I love...

1. My job!

2. Axe Tsunami body spray

3. Homemade potato chips at Shallo's

4. Cheap wine

5. Women with accents

6. Thunderstorms

7. Hoodies

8. People who mimic or copy after me (imitation is the highest form of flattery after all!)

9. Motorcycles (or speed in general)

10. Knowing that I am successful

11. Pictures on FunnyJunk.com

12. Cold weather

13. Big asses!

14. "It's Happy Bunny"

15. Jennifer Aniston

16. Road trips

17. "Get that bitch a sammich!"

18. Getting "shmammied!"

19. Jenny's hormones!

20. My Outlawed Mind!!!


CHEERS!







- posted by The Outlaw @ 5:35:00 PM |

 
What if we had picked Ryan Leaf?
Ya know, I found myself marveling at the Colts' unusual talent. For the past 3 years we have been in a rut where we start off mediocre, and then if we haven't been too intimidated by halftime, we come back strong in the second half! Where's the f*ckin' confidence? Where's the drive? And even through this messed up phenomenon, we have managed to cultivate several all-star players. Marcus Pollard, Reggie Wayne, Brandon Stokely, David Thornton and of course our homegrown legend Peyton Manning! So the question becomes.....Is it the club itself, or the players that make us so great? Cuz I can't help but wonder if Ryan Leaf would have turned out to be a stellar athlete with our help!

Who knows!

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 5:27:00 PM |

 
What makes a Fuckhead?
Ever since the dawn of time, humankind has been divided into two camps: Those who were welcome in the camps, and those who weren't. Stanley Kubrick's film classic 2001: A Space Odyssey best depicts this early schism in human ancestors: At the side of the communal water stream, the social apes whacked the antisocial apes over the head with bones.
Over time, religious tradition, social science, and human evolution have recognized the basic division of mankind into social and antisocial camps. The antisocial have been shunned, excommunicated, pressed into exile, and even hunted as the social group has forced the antisocial from its camps, cities, and homes.
Now, with the advent of the Internet as a force in pop culture, this schism has not only survived, but become stronger and more readily acknowledged.

They are called Fuckheads.

But what makes a person a Fuckhead? A Fuckhead is a person who, through the pattern of repeated behavior when dealing with others, demonstrates certain characteristics and a repeated inability or unwillingness to change or modify his/her behavior to conform to the social code of conduct.

These are the characteristics that make the Fuckhead:

A Fuckhead Must Have An Exaggerated Sense of His/Her Own Importance

The Fuckhead will come to the table insuperably convinced of his/her own correctness and of his/her immediacy in any debate or discussion. For example, the non-Fuckhead will join a discussion cautiously, reading over the prior correspondance and offering an opinion thoughtfully. The Fuckhead will come plowing in without regard to the established parameters of the debate and without regard to the existing participants.
The Fuckhead, when challenged, will then state some fantastic-sounding credentials to justify and bolster the strong opinion. When challenged further, the Fuckhead will usually display anger and refuse to further substantiate the presented credentials, some sort of "I already said so, and that should be good enough for you!"
At this point the Fuckhead has demonstrated an exaggerated sense of his/her own importance: He/she has presented an overriding opinion which, in the Fuckhead's mind, should be definitive and cease all debate, and the Fuckhead will be unable to understand why the other participants will not accept his/her opinion on sight. To The Fuckhead, the focus should always be on them. If it's important to them, it should be important, accepted and understood by everyone around them.

A Fuckhead Must Refuse to Abide By Common Social Standards

One of the most common traits of the Fuckhead is the absolute refusal to follow common social standards. Fuckheads will frequently use a persecution defense when they are asked to cease their behavior. They may claim that they are being singled out because of their unpopular viewpoints, or that they are victimized by the nebulous "political correctness" movement. These claims attempt to avoid the obvious cause of the challenge, which is the antisocial behavior itself, by demonizing the reaction to the behavior.

The Fuckhead's refusal to abide by common social standards is therefore manifested. In the early chapters of history, such refusal to abide by the rules of the group would lead one to be unwelcome by the fire, or to be tarred and feathered. Now, though, it is just one more characteristic in the profile of the Fuckhead.

A Fuckhead Must Keep Coming Back Without Mending His/Her Ways

"Don't you ever learn?" This question is one of the most frequently asked of wayward children or oft-injured adults. But when asked of the Fuckhead, the answer is always, "No." The Fuckhead does not learn.
"Why must you come where you're not wanted?" This question has been asked of the socially deviant and challenged since the dawn of time. Yet the Fuckhead will keep coming back, over and over again. The fuckhead loves conflict. The Fuckhead will defend his or her inflexibility by saying, "I have every right to my opinion," and "I have every right to participate in this discussion." But the Fuckhead will find that other participants, who do not appreciate the Fuckhead's presence or contributions, will make use of tools ranging from the silent treatment to all out malicious attacks.

You can count on the Fuckhead to shriek "Censorship!" when you tune out their input. You can count on the Fuckhead saying rude things about you when he/she is sure you're no longer listening. But it will never occur to the Fuckhead to approach topics and people differently, and never, ever occur to the Fuckhead to avoid venues where the atmosphere is unfriendly. It onl;y makes sense to avoid sinners if you're a christian. Or to steer clear of conversations involving sex if you prefer to be excluded from participation. This inability to exit gracefully is a distinguishing mark of a Fuckhead. In this sense, Fuckheads are commonly referred to as "no fun".

A Fuckhead Will Change His/Her Beliefs To Suit The Situation

Fuckheads are dedicated to one cause; furtherance of self. And they are committed to only one opinion; superiority of self. All other causes and opinions are secondary to the Fuckhead. The non-Fuckhead may change his/her opinions from time to time, or support or abandon causes throughout life, these changes usually come about when new information is learned, or when circumstances change. The Fuckhead, however, changes opinions and causes as readily as a non-Fuckhead might change shirts.
A good example of this change of opinion has been shown by a recently notorious blogger. When it suits them, they are the model christian soldier spreading the word of christ. Conversely, when it suits them, they are a sinner, powerless and careless in the face of temptation. Rational people may agree to disagree, but the Fuckhead's limited focus and lack of loyalty allows the Fuckhead to fight with friends and agree with foes so readily that there is almost no constant distinction between the two. But this changeability makes the individual an unworthy foe and an untrustworthy ally -- and hence, a Fuckhead.

What Makes a Fuckhead?

The Fuckhead may display all of these characteristics, or some of them, or only one. Some may love a Fuckhead like a brother, some may think their brother is a Fuckhead. What is incontrovertible is that for all of humanity, there are people that you would do anything to get rid of, and those people, throughout history, are the Fuckheads.

CHEERS!

- posted by The Outlaw @ 9:34:00 PM |