The world needs a pause button.....or TiVo!
I had a very odd commute home last night.

While waiting to merge onto I-465 from North Keystone, I pulled up next to a white Honda Civic full of wiry-looking oriental women. I noticed the one in the backseat on my side. This lady bothered me. She had her face pressed against the window, finger up her nose digging for gold, COMPLETELY oblivious to 5 lanes of shoulder-to-shoulder rush hour traffic (aside from the fact that the windows weren't tinted or anything either!) I used to want to learn about foreign cultures. Maybe I'll just go shadow elementary-level special education teachers instead!

Later, near the 56th St. exit on I-465 South, I happened to glance over into the Northbound lanes just in time to see the hood from a car go flying about 10 feet up in the air. I couldn't tell where it had come from or where it landed due to the high concrete K-rail divider. I have seen the way that hoods attach to cars. What I witnessed was a feat to behold! I've always wanted to actually watch an accident happen. Damn K-rails!

Then on the exit ramp from I-465 to I-70 East, I looked to my right to see the sunset. The whole sky was bright purple and the last beams of light from the sun were (no joke) HOT PINK and orange in the center. Although the freaky and more noteworthy part was the cylindrical beam of neon pink light shooting straight up in perfect (albeit otherworldly) geometrical form from the center of a church roof. For an instant, I was totally creeped out.

Then a hottie in a Mercedes Benz passed me and oddly my attention span bottomed out!

As if these small instances of weirdness weren't astounding enough (I'm easily amused!), what happened to me this morning was nothing short of a miracle.

A cruel, ironic, unfair miracle.

The hot chick that I hired about 3 weeks ago magically disappeared last Saturday when she was supposed to work. Scott and I both tried calling her. No answer. We both left a message. Then yesterday I find out she's back to work as normal like nothing ever happened. Think again sweetie! So I was of course obliged to call her and suspend her until she came into my office to discuss her unreported absence from Saturday. I'm on such a power trip! Anyway, she said she would be here this morning. And boy was she! She showed up looking about as provocative as state law would allow. So I'm thinking she's gonna try and flaunt her way out of trouble. Fortunately I'm not quite shallow enough to allow this! We walked into my office for a closed-door meeting (this is standard procedure guys, I'm not that stupid!). The talking lasted for about 2 minutes before she realized she was losing the battle for which she had thought she was more than aptly armed.

I've never seen someone be more desperate to keep a lousy $9/hr job!

She turned the heat up like you wouldn't believe. As she walked over to my desk, crawled on top of it, tossed her long blond hair back and grabbed my tie, I literally pinched myself to check that I wasn't dreaming. This girl was, for all intents and purposes, unknowingly acting out every man's most viscerally carnal fantasies (Although I could be wrong about the "unknowingly" part). Theoretically, I was a porn star for about 60 seconds!

I fired her.

God damn I have willpower!

...wait!

Fuck!

A fan list? Piss on it today, I just want to get laid! Maybe later.

CHEERS!







- posted by The Outlaw @ 11:53:00 AM