How to self-diagnose neuroses
~ Conversation that took place tonight between myself and a witty female friend of mine. As usual the names are changed for humor and anonymity!

Capt. Neurosis: So I just got a very amusing phone call...
Capt. Neurosis: from Applebees...
Untamed Shrew: Huh?
Capt. Neurosis: I dunno...
Capt. Neurosis: some woman called and when I said "Hello?", she goes "Ok, here's the deal...you're not calling her...she's not calling you...so I'm calling you, and now you get to talk to her but only if you behave, ok?"
Untamed Shrew: Who is "her"?
Capt. Neurosis: I haven't the foggiest...but my response went something like "Ummmm...can I ask who this is?"
Capt. Neurosis: To which she responded "OH CRAP...can I talk to Justin?"
Capt. Neurosis: And I go "I think you have the wrong number!"
Capt. Neurosis: And she says (in a very sincerely embarassed and apologetic tone of voice), "Oh my lord I'm sorry!", and immediately hung up!
Untamed Shrew: That is indeed funny!
Capt. Neurosis: So I sort of stood there staring at the phone like "WTF just happened!?!?"
Capt. Neurosis: And here I sit now wondering who "her" was as well
Capt. Neurosis: I mean it sure sounded like she was having guy issues...which we all know I am great at fixing (by stepping in and replacing the jerk of course!)
Capt. Neurosis: So, in theory, "her" could have very conceivably been my soulmate!
Untamed Shrew: This is quite true
Capt. Neurosis: But I guess I'll never know
Capt. Neurosis: Unless I run to Applebee's RIGHT NOW and ask every waitress if someone accidentally called a wrong number recently...
Capt. Neurosis: of course then I'll come off as neurotic and "her" will run away screaming, most likely hide under her sheets tonight thinking the weird guy from Applebee's might come stalking her again and have a generally irreversibly bad first impression of me altogether...
Capt. Neurosis: Have you any idea how difficult it is to be me?
Untamed Shrew: Sorry
Capt. Neurosis: But, on a lighter note, I think I have good blogging material here
Capt. Neurosis: Now should I lead off the post discussing my penile flexibility issues? Or leave that part out?
Untamed Shrew: What is wrong with you?
Capt. Neurosis: With my penis? Nothing at all. I just thought it sounded amusing!
Untamed Shrew: But you are acting...odd
Capt. Neurosis: I am?
Capt. Neurosis: Odd as in "not myself" odd?
Untamed Shrew: No...odd as in "smoking the banana peels" odd!

I guess this clears up two of my issues:
1. I have neurotic tendencies
and...
2. I now know the effects of smoking banana peels (and thank god because now I won't have to enter into human trials on that one after all, just so my curiosity will be sated!)

On a sidenote: I received another IP-Relay call tonight. This was was from Sprint's IP-Relay service. Last night was a different company I think. Either way, this message was even better than last night's: "I will moon you like Randy Moss."

If this can somehow be construed as a coded CIA message, I'd love to know how! Otherwise, I'm betting Canada is safe...for now!

Why does all the weird stuff happen to me?

CHEERS!



- posted by The Outlaw @ 9:17:00 PM